(Originally appeared in Sense and Psychotherapy, May 2010)
For most of us, life can be pretty stressful, and at times it gets downright overwhelming. I have noticed over the years that one of the most common reasons people seek counseling or therapy is for some assistance in finding better ways to deal with the stressors in their lives.

Due to both our natural temperaments and the environments we grow up in, we all have different levels of tolerance for the stress we experience. So, what might be just a run-of-the-mill, everyday minor annoyance to one person can trigger an intense panic attack in someone else. Also, several relatively minor stressors occurring close together can have a cumulative effect. Even the most mild-mannered, happily-raised among us are occasionally bombarded by events beyond our control which prompt us to look outside our circle of friends and family for some extra help.

Some Simple Tips

While the suggestions listed here will not make all your problems magically disappear, using them might help you begin to see them from a slightly different perspective. If you are able to see things in a new way, you may begin to feel differently as well. Or, you might even find new ways to solve what had earlier seemed like insurmountable problems. The next time you feel stressed, I would like to invite you to experiment a little, and try to…

• Take slow, deep breaths
• Stretch or do some yoga poses
• Meditate
• Go for a brisk 15-20 minute walk
• Get some aerobic exercise
• Talk with a trusted friend
• Laugh out loud
• Have a good cry
• Get a change of scenery
• Pet a cat or dog
• Dance

Negative Coping

We all develop our own ways of coping with stress, and some of our coping skills are better for us than others. We’re all familiar with some ways that are not really very good for us in the short run, and may be actually harmful for us. A few examples of some of the negative ways we may deal with stress are…

• Persistent zoning out with the TV or computer use
• Compulsive overeating
• Substance abuse
• Gambling
• Self-injurious acts
• Violence
• Sexual acting out

When to Seek Assistance

In addition to the above mentioned negative coping mechanisms, a few warning signs that may indicate you could use some extra help are …

• Ongoing difficulty falling or staying asleep
• Frequent irritability
• Constant worrying, fretting
• Shortness of breath
• Stomachaches
• Headaches
• Muscle tension
• Nightmares
• Difficulty focusing
• Avoidance of loved ones or pleasurable activities
• Need to engage in repetitive acts or rituals

If you find yourself suffering from some of these difficulties, know that you are not alone and there is much that can be done to alleviate the symptoms and make your life more enjoyable.

The Major Types of Anxiety Disorders

For some people, the anxiety they experience can be debilitating and professional assistance is strongly recommended. While five of the major Anxiety Disorders are listed here, this list is by no means exhaustive.

• Generalized Anxiety Disorder
• Panic Disorder
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
• Social Phobia or Social Anxiety

If you, or someone you love suffers from any of these disorders, it is important to speak to a professional who can help you develop a plan to reduce your suffering, and improve your quality of life.

For more information on the Anxiety Disorders, there are publications describing each of the major types of anxiety, along with their causes and treatments, available free of charge at the The National Institute of Mental Health

A Brief Note about Depression

For most of us, anxiety and depression are closely connected. One can lead to the other, and very often, one exacerbates the other. Both are serious conditions, and deserve proper attention.

Children and Anxiety

While we like to think of childhood as a carefree, innocent time, children also experience stress, and may suffer from the same types of anxiety disorders as the adults around them. Due to their developmental stages, they are also vulnerable to their own types of anxieties.

It is normal for babies to experience periods of Stranger and Separation Anxiety, but for many preschoolers this continues and causes much distress to the children, their parents and their caregivers. While it is common and even expected in new situations, the child’s reactions need to be treated with understanding and compassion, not dismissed and trivialized. If Separation Anxiety continues to be an issue for preschoolers and elementary-age children, professional assistance is recommended.

School-age children and teenagers may go through periods of school and/or Test Anxiety which can be debilitating. This should be taken seriously and attended to before their academics are negatively impacted. However, much more important than grades are the health and well-being of your child, and school pressures can lead to significant stress reactions in some students. It is important for parents and other involved adults to stay aware of what the young people in their lives are going through and how well are they coping with their stressors.

There are a few simple ways that parents can help their teens and children deal with the stress in their lives. To start with, make sure …

• They get enough sleep
• They eat a balanced diet
• They get regular physical activity
• They limit their caffeine and sugar intake
• You stay aware of their homework load
• You help them learn to manage their time
• You help them recognize when they’re getting overwhelmed
• You step in if/when it is appropriate

Overall, the most important thing you can do for your child is to make the time to really listen to them. Let them know through your actions that you really do care about what they’re going through and are willing to stand by their side if and when they need you.