(This essay is adapted from one that originally appeared in my newsletter Sense and Psychotherapy, Winter 1998)
One of the most common reasons clients come for counseling is to seek help in coping with change. Change comes in an almost infinite variety of shapes and sizes. Sometimes it seems to evolve slowly and in a controlled fashion. Other times, it arrives as an abrupt, unmanageable cataclysm. Often it causes stress which can manifest itself in a variety of ways, and leads to irritability, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and/or physical ailments. Specific reactions depend on many factors, including temperament, physical circumstances, and the size and strength of one’s support network. Learning to cope with change is a lifelong process, and in therapy I work with my clients to help them develop skills they can use to do this productively, skills they can draw on throughout their lives.
Almost 30 years ago, a group of psychiatrists developed a scale rating the severity of different life changes. As common sense would dictate, those changes with the greatest psychological impact were major life events, such as death of a loved one, divorce, or personal injury. One of the most remarkable features of the scale, though, is the number of positive events listed: marriage, pregnancy, birth of a child. We often fail to appreciate the stresses associated with the positive changes in our lives. People tend to gravitate toward routine and predictability, and any change, even a positive one, disrupts that routine.
Psychologists are attempting to unravel the complex interplay of factors which determine how well we react to change. Numerous studies have shown links between the frequency of change, stress, and illness. We are only beginning to understand the dramatic effects of stress on our immune systems, hormones, and brain chemistry. The more we understand of our emotional, physical, and intellectual responses to stress, the better we will be able to predict, treat, and ultimately avoid its harmful consequences.
Although it’s easy to focus on the negative consequences of change, it can also provide opportunities for personal growth by pushing us out of our comfort zone and into the unknown. Change can open us up to entirely new insights, and force us to find new and creative ways of facing the world. We are most open to altering our coping patterns during times of crisis. With the proper support and encouragement, we can take the insights and skills gained at these times and use them to cope more constructively with change in the future.
As young adults, we are largely unconscious of how our bodies are changing, but as we grow older (and hopefully wiser), many of us experience a growing sense of our own mortality. Often, we first become conscious of this through the illness and death of people near and dear to us, a painful and enlightening experience. Many people view physical change, and our response to it, as preparation for the transitions we will face as older adults. The skills and knowledge we gain coping with change in other aspects of our lives can also help us a great deal as we confront challenges later in life. Change is an inevitable and unavoidable part of Life, and if we learn to accept it and cope with it productively, we may find we posses a crucial key to our own happiness.
