(Originally appeared in Sense and Psychotherapy, Fall 2003)

I recently discovered the joys of books on tape, and this summer I listened to The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn on tape. I was enchanted by Mark Twain’s descriptions of the Mississippi. I could almost feel myself floating along with Huck and Jim, gazing at the stars overhead. These days I feel as though I’m drifting along one of those wide, apparently calm sections of the river. I’ve been through some turbulent rapids, there’s a deep slow-moving current underneath, and I know there are some significant challenges ahead. But for now, I’m resting and surveying the waters around me.

I have achieved a goal I set for myself over 25 years ago. In high school I knew I wanted to be a therapist (without a clue of what that really was!). As I went through college, got my degrees, and actually began working with clients in my internships, it became clearer to me what it really means to be a therapist. The more I learned, the more my confidence in my goal grew. I have been in my private practice for several years now, and this feels really good.

I am now asking myself, ‘what next?’ I know I want to continue as a therapist; it’s clear to me that’s the general direction of the river I am floating on. What is in question, is what I can do that will make me an even better therapist. How do I continue to improve my skills and knowledge? Where and how do I want to focus my professional energy? How do I use my life to enhance my work, and how do I use my work to enrich my life?

One thing that has always attracted me to psychotherapy is the endless opportunity to learn more. There are always new theories to learn, new techniques to try, new ideas to absorb. I am exposing myself to new ways of approaching therapy these days, dipping my toe into strange waters, testing to see where I want to dive in next. For example, I am beginning to study psychoanalytic readings with the goal of improving my skills, yet am not sure how deeply I want to explore this area. At the same time, I am also interested in developing a greater awareness of the impact of culture on my clients, and how living in a multicultural community affects us all.

Along the horizon I can see a number of possible landings ahead, and I am uncertain which one I’ll steer toward. I don’t know which ones will take me to a dead end, which will lead to unexpected adventures, and which will just keep me on the general course I’ve been on. I must admit, there are times when I feel like I’m drifting aimlessly, lost in the fog, and I am tempted to do something, anything, just to feel as though I am actively in control. But, I know in my heart that this is a time for me to take it slowly and just observe what’s going on.

I have faith that as I check out different approaches and new ideas, I will choose wisely which direction to take. I am open to new adventures and confident in my ability to navigate the unknown waters ahead of me, and for the moment at least, I am enjoying the ride.