(Originally appeared in Sense and Psychotherapy, Summer 1999)
Most people understand that play is important for kids. Not only do they need “downtime” to rest and recharge from adult-directed, goal-oriented activity, but research has demonstrated that proper cognitive and emotional development depends upon an appropriate mix of play and “work”. Yet, many of us seem to have a hard time believing that play is equally important for lifelong growth and happiness. As a therapist, I’m thrilled by my clients’ excitement when they realize that not only is it okay for them to play, but that they’re happier, healthier and more productive when they make play a regular part of their lives.
I tend to use a very broad definition of “play”. When we do something simply because we enjoy doing it, not because we think we “have to”, or in pursuit of an external goal, we are playing. Often, this can include very purposeful activities such as hobbies or, for a lucky few, even careers. My husband and my father build furniture as a hobby. They do beautiful “work”, but seem to have little interest in a piece once it’s finished. This puzzled me for a long time, until I realized that, in some sense, they truly don’t care as much about the finished product. They care about making it. That’s the essence of play.
Children need to play, and we don’t outgrow that need as adults. Physical activity develops and maintains fine and gross motor skills, and promotes general health. Group activities exercise social skills and reinforce bonds with friends and family. Relaxed, non-directive activities, everything from recreational reading, to hobbies like gardening or sewing, to simple idle time take our imaginations beyond the boundaries of the everyday routine, and encourage us to look at the world from unusual and often startlingly novel perspectives. In all these ways and more, play is a crucial part of our lives, from childhood to old age.
Play is, in fact, my primary mode of therapy with children, mainly because it is their most common way of experiencing the world, and their most effective method of communicating that experience. With my adult clients, I find myself encouraging them to play, and sometimes even helping them learn how to play after many years of doing little besides work. Oftentimes, highly driven, goal-directed people will get in the habit of turning “play” into “work”, so that even their recreational time is highly directed and businesslike. In some sense, they’ve lost the joy of living in the moment, which is a critical ingredient of play, and in the process they’ve lost the ability to experience the world through play, a crucial factor in lifelong emotional and intellectual growth.
Besides, after everything is said and done, play is just plain fun, and it’s hard to overestimate the value of a good time every now and then with lives as complicated and stressful as most of us lead these days. Even kids are pushing harder than I recall doing as a child. Task-oriented, goal-directed activity is a crucial part of personal growth, but so are a wandering mind and a playful spirit. Each of us needs to find ways to strike a balance between the demands of our busy working lives and our need for recreation and simple fun.
