(Originally appeared in Sense and Psychotherapy, Fall 2004)
One thing that I think most therapists, myself included, often fail to explore with our clients is the role that pets play in their lives. Outside my office, I’ve noticed how often people speak about their pets as though they are members of the family; yet this seldom comes up in therapy sessions. I find this particularly interesting, given the extensive research that clearly shows the numerous psychological and physical benefits of contact with animals.
Our relationships with our pets tend to be much simpler than those with our spouses, children and friends. Although I have heard many people report frustration with a pet for peeing in the wrong place or chewing on some cherished item, I have yet to hear anyone upset over a quarrel they had with their cat or dog. For too many of us, it is only through our pets that we receive the unconditional love we crave. Equally important, they also provide us with the opportunity to nurture and care for another in a truly selfless way, which on a deeper level is a way of taking care of ourselves.
In some sense, our relations with our pets are “interpersonal’ relationships pared down to their essence. Through our words and actions, we communicate our deepest, darkest secrets with our pets. We share our sorrow, fear and anger, as well as our love, excitement and happiness with them. And our pets, to varying degrees, display most if not all of these same emotions.
The way an owner treats his or her pet can tell us a lot about that person. We instinctively shy away from those who are mean to their pets, and there’s a public outcry when we learn of instances of animal cruelty. The way a pet is treated directly affects its behavior, and many people even believe pets become mirrors of their owners’ personalities: warm, loving people have affectionate, cuddly pets; while those who are more distant and removed have cooler, more aloof pets.
Literature is filled with stories of children and their relationships with their pets. Even if they are not begging their parents for a cat, dog, guinea pig or horse, most children fantasize about having a pet of their own. Many parents recognize the many benefits for their children and work hard to make this a reality.
It is becoming more and more common for hospitals, nursing homes and other facilities to use animals therapeutically. The simple act of having an animal in the room can enhance alertness, lower blood pressure and increase social interactions. Studies even show that children with pets, particularly dogs, adjust more easily to major life stresses.
I believe we are born not just with the capacity to love, nurture and connect with others, but that we also need to do so in order to live healthy, thriving lives. The bonds we develop with animals allow us to grow and learn about ourselves in ways that are different from those we have with even our family members. Our connection with our pets allows us to identify, honor and love the more hidden parts of ourselves.
