(Originally appeared in the online newsletter, Sense and Psychotherapy, September 2010)

This is the time of year when children, teachers, and families are negotiating the shifting daily routines, sleep schedules, and additional time demands. In many of these homes, as the tension rises, quarreling, tears, and bad feelings can result.

I think it may be helpful to view the return to school as a transition, and understand it as a process rather than a discrete event. And this process, as do so many others, goes on for longer than we realize, and, while it is exciting, transitions involve changes, and change is often difficult.

For many families, this transition starts before the classes even begin. The trips to the stores for school supplies and new clothes can be fun and exciting. But, they can also feel like one more thing to squeeze in before or after work, or devolve into another power struggle with your kid.

Try to keep in mind that the first week of school is a challenge for even the most organized, well-adjusted families. For those of us who are not so well organized and adjusted, it can be overwhelming. It can take a while to work out many of the kinks in the routines. Give yourself the permission to accept that it is not likely to go perfectly right from the starting line.

One of the best things about a new school year is that it provides us with the opportunity for a fresh start. This is a great time to help our kids develop better habits and routines. While we can always make adjustments as needed, implementing good habits now will save you a few headaches later in the year.

Getting a Good Start

Elementary age children should only be doing 10 minutes of homework per grade level. That means first graders should not be spending more than 10 minutes on homework each night, second graders, 20 minutes, and so on.

Designate a particular place and time for homework. Try to clear away as many distractions as possible. Make sure there’s plenty of light, a smooth writing surface, and appropriate supplies available.

Monitor your child’s computer use, even if (maybe especially if) your child is a teenager. Not only do you have a right, you have a responsibility to have a basic understanding of how much time they are actually spending on schoolwork, vs. how much time they’re chatting online, playing games, and watching videos. Be aware that many adolescents who complain they’re doing homework until 1:00 am have spent as much of the evening Facebooking as they have on their studies.

Help your child develop an organization system. Have them show you how they’re keeping their backpacks, binders, homework packets, etc. in order. Make sure they have the appropriate supplies in their packs, desks, and/or lockers.

Sign up for any online notification systems at the school. More and more teachers are posting assignments, grades, and class information online.

Read what your child is reading. One of the best ways to help your child is to show you’re interested, both in what they’re learning about, and the learning process itself. Modeling an active interest in learning sends a powerful message to our children.

Establish a relationship with your children’s teachers. Let them know you’re interested in what is happening in the classroom and that you’re involved in your child’s education.

Remember …

While school is a very important part of our children’s life, it is only one part. So, make sure you…

• Have fun with your kids
• Make sleep a priority for everyone (including yourself)
• Get physical – exercise helps us cope with stress
• Eat together as a family
• Go outside and get some fresh air

When to Seek Assistance

There are times when we all wonder what is normal and what warrants extra attention. Some warning signs to be aware of are…

• If your child is having difficulty falling or staying asleep. Or, they’re sleeping all the time.
• There’s been a marked change in their mood, for example if they seem sad, apathetic, easily irritated, or unexplainably hyperactive.
• If your son or daughter seems anxious or worried.
• If getting homework done is turning into a huge power struggle.
• If you see a significant change in their appetite or eating habits.

You know your child best; respect your intuition. If your gut is telling you something is amiss, listen to it. Your children are too important to assume it will all take care of itself.