(Originally appeared in the newsletter, Sense and Psychotherapy, Fall 2003)
From my observations of my clients, friends and myself, I have come to believe that working toward some sort of goal is an important ingredient in feeling good about life. Generally, when we have a sense of what we want to achieve, whether this is an over-arching life pursuit or a simple plan for the day, we feel better. Having a sense of purpose provides us with a direction to life. Without any goals, we may begin to drift, and sometimes even lose our sense of self. Life is difficult enough, but without anything to strive for, it can become overwhelmingly tedious and bleak.
Yet, although it is important to have goals, there’s a danger in getting hung up on the goal itself, rather than what the goal will provide. We risk losing sight of the original purpose of the goal. It is helpful to remember that in many ways, it may not even be that important to reach the goal; the journey may be more meaningful than the destination. It is easy to forget the importance of who we are as we work to achieve our goals, and how we handle what we encounter along the way.
Especially with long-term goals, we need to remain flexible and open to new opportunities. It helps to regularly reevaluate the merits of our goal and the manner in which we are pursuing it. We occasionally have to take side paths and later, when we return to the original pursuit, we may find our purpose has been enriched. We may even decide to change courses completely, and discard old goals for new ones as we grow and change.
Achieving a goal, especially a long-standing one, may give us a huge sense of accomplishment and pride, yet it may also seem anticlimactic. When this happens, we may want to examine why; was it a well-thought-out goal, what were we really hoping to achieve, did we do it for someone else, not ourselves? We may even mourn the loss of purpose the goal provided. Sometimes we wish for greater recognition about the efforts we have put forth. The feelings may also just be a natural reaction to a long, difficult journey that has reached an end.
The in-between times when we’ve achieved a goal or discarded ones that are no longer appropriate, and we’re not sure what our new goals are, may be uncomfortable, scary, or even painful. Yet these transition periods may also be very fruitful. We can use this time to sort out our priorities, reexamine our values, and sift through our achievements. We look back to see where we’ve been, how we got here, and how we feel about our current situation. This is a good time to take a breath, slow down, and rest before determining where we want to go next.
I like to think that goals are dreams with a plan. We use goals to turn our desires, hopes, and fantasies into reality. Once we have a goal, then it is possible to begin to determine what steps are necessary to achieve it. We can break it down into do-able, concrete activities, which can provide the energy we need to sustain us as we set forth on what may initially seem an impossibly long journey.
